Never Feel The Same
by quidditchplayersturnmeon
Summary: Inner monologues of Finn and Quinn, originally set between the start of season 3 and the end of episode 2. Slight unflattering mentions of Quick and Finchel.
1. Finn

**A/n: I suspect there will be a major absence of Fuinn in this season, so I just wrote this little two-shot for my head!canon because I needed to believe they still love each other and I needed a reason why they act like they never even dated, I liked it so I decided to upload it as my first story. I will go down with this ship and I will turn it into a submarine.**

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><p><span>Finn<span>

I'm sitting here in glee club and everything feels wrong. I'm smiling but that's just for show. They're all talking but I'm not, I'm listening for the one voice I know I wont hear. It kills me.

At first I didn't like the new Quinn, I'm the quarter back so I wouldn't ever admit it but she kinda scared me. She's all edgy and badass, and I honestly feel like she could beat me up.

"What do you think, Finn?" I look at Rachel sitting next to me and guilt flashes through me as I realise I was ignoring her to think about my ex.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't listening; I didn't sleep well last night."

That's not a lie, I didn't sleep much last night; I woke up at 2am and never slept afterwards. You see I had a dream last night, you know, one of _those_ kinda dreams. It was about Quinn, new Quinn, being all bad and dominating and…

It was a good dream, but I woke up and couldn't stop thinking about her. At first I thought to myself that I love her pink hair, then I decided I still love her blonde hair. I think I love both.

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><p>I'm lying on my bed, my phone is switched off, I will just tell anyone who tries to reach me that it died and I didn't notice. I need to be alone. I can't stop thinking about today, I bumped into her, Quinn I mean.<p>

We both walked around the same corner and I nearly walked into her. She stared daggers at me and said 'watch it' but her eyes looked sad. They were covered in make up; I actually kinda like it how it is now.

Hell, I love her eyes now, but I still remember her eyes the way they used to be. I think I love both.

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><p>I'm in the gym after football practice and she's back in my head again. I got tackled hard and went flying into a bench, I was fine but Coach Beiste made me sit out for a few minutes.<p>

Quinn was sitting in the stands on the other side of the pitch, and I couldn't stop staring, she looked hot.

I don't care what anyone says, I'm not so big on the smoking but the new Quinn is awesome. She hates me, but apart from that she's awesome.

The way she dresses is so different now; she used to look nice, and innocent. But I love the way she dresses now, and while I think about it, I love the way she always used to dress. I think I love both.

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><p>Rachel is talking, but again I'm not listening, she doesn't notice, she listens to me less than I listen to her. Quinn used to listen, and I used to listen to her, I still do. That's why I'm not listening to Rachel right now.<p>

Quinn isn't talking, so it's more like I'm listening to the way she moves. That doesn't make sense does it? I'm just watching her. I think she can see me watching her in the mirror on her locker door; I don't care. If she see's me at least she will still think about me. A little.

She's watching me as she walks past, again she looks angry, but I know her, she still seems sad, it breaks my heart.

I don't care if I sound like a wimp, it breaks my heart to see her so sad, I need to do something. It's my job; that's what boyfriends do.

Shit. I'm not her boyfriend, and that breaks my heart even more. I used to love the old Quinn, I still kinda do, but I love the new Quinn too. I think I love both.

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><p>My bed suddenly feels empty, I remember when Quinn used to lie in it, or when I would lie in hers. If I close my eyes I can almost hear her breathing, smell her.<p>

Screw think, I know I love her. What have I done?

Is this my fault?

Would she still be happy if it wasn't for me?

Would she be in glee club still?

Maybe not, there's more to Quinn Fabray than that, but maybe she would.

I should tell her how I feel, I kinda of want to leave Rachel, but I've done this too many times, it doesn't matter how much I love her. She's done with me, and all it's my fault.

She'll never feel the same.


	2. Quinn

Quinn

I'm alone in my room, the only place I can cry. And I really mean cry; it doesn't stop until I leave again in the morning, even when I'm sleeping.

I miss my dad, even though he's an asshole, I miss my friends, I miss Finn, I miss Beth, I always miss Beth, I always miss Finn, I don't know what's harder, never seeing the person you miss when you should see them every day, or seeing the person you miss everyday and still missing them.

I can smell the smoke on me still, taste it.

I hate it, it's all an act, sure, I don't want to go back to who I was, but I only don't want to go back because it hurts too much to be the old me.

My hair's a mess, it was much easier to look after my old hair. I wonder if Finn likes the new hair, he probably thinks I look ridiculous.

He used to say he loved my old hair. But I bet he prefers Rachels, lush and dark. I bet he never even really liked my old hair. He probably hates my new hair. I think he hates both.

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><p>I'm at the football pitch in the bleachers, and I miss Finn even more, he walked into me yesterday, I tried to be angry but I could smell him, he smells how he used to. Perfect.<p>

And then he looked in my eyes, and it was like he knew me, the same way he used to. He looked at me the same way he did when he held up the picture in his wallet, I wonder if he still has it.

I still have his blanket, the one meant for Beth back when she was his, when she was still mine.

He's staring at me; he's so obvious. I'm trying my hardest but its so hard not to smile, at least he's at the other end of the field; maybe he can't see.

My eyes are sore from crying. As I rub them make up smudges onto my hands, I bet Finn probably doesn't like the way my eyes look now.

Did he ever really like the way they looked? I doubt it. I wonder which he prefers, old eyes or new eyes. I think he hates both.

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><p>He's staring at me again; I can see him in the mirror. Why is he with Rachel, he's ignoring her and she's so self involved that she doesn't even realise.<p>

I always noticed, I still do, that's why I'm staring back at him now.

He's probably just judging what I'm wearing, I act so confident but he makes me so insecure when he looks at me like that.

I bet he doesn't like the clothes; he used to prefer me dressing all nice and pristine. Just look at Rachel, she dresses like a 5 year old.

I bet he didn't like the way I used to dress either; maybe that's why he picked her. It doesn't matter whether I dress the old way or the new way; I think he hates both.

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><p>Puck is an asshole; he keeps using Beth to get me to change.<p>

Shelby is back. I need to see my daughter but she wont let me. She let him.

Finn would never use her to make me change, he always accepted me, even when I was a bitch, even when I was fat and ugly.

He always found something to love, but now that something is Rachel. I wonder what Finn thinks of the new me; he probably hates her like everyone else.

I wonder if he ever misses the old me? I doubt it. I think he hates both.

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><p>I'm crying, Beth is beautiful and Puck looks so happy with her. I feel so alone. This is the first time I have cried in front of anybody since New York. The first time I have cried out of my room. I hate the new me. I need Beth.<p>

I'm not a skank; I'm a mom. I should have never given her up. I need to get her back. I need Finn and I need my baby.

I'll never have Finn. Maybe Puck can help me get Beth back, what's the point of anything without her.

Maybe if I sort myself out Finn will want me back.

Who am I kidding? He's with Rachel.

I bet he wouldn't have even wanted to work at Burts shop, like I told Rachel last year.

I bet he would never want to be with me. I'm such a bad girlfriend.

Fuck. I _was _a bad girlfriend; I'm not a girlfriend any more.

Scratch think, I know he hates me, the new version and the old. And it's all my fault.

I love him.

He'll never feel the same.

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><p><strong>An: That's it, sorry it's so short. I hope you liked it. :)**


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